I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
