we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
