I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
