I'm gonna have a badass scar
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
