I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
