Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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