Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i dont even know how to be here
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
