im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
