Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
