we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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