I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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