I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
