The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
