I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
