His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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