I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
