we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
