I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
