Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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