I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
