I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
