So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
