Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
