what day is it and did you see me today?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
