she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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