I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
