Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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