she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
