I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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