I saw his package. It spoke to me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
