I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
