There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize