3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
