some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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