it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just google imaged poop.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
