i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
