She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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