i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize