sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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