Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
