When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
