Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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