I want to make a zoo with you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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