I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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