I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize