I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
