when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
