bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
