Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
