and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
