haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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