Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
