Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
