I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
