I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
