I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
