This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize