Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
