I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
