Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
