he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
