How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
