Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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