Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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