That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
