I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
