I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
