Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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