I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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