Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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