Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
