fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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